alive
hoo boy. hello bearblog. i'm alive and doing okay. i think a little bit of catching up is in order.
i started talking to my therapist again, but my phone broke so i haven't seen her in a few weeks. i came home from school, but i only slept in my room for one night and have yet to unpack.
i have ocd. it's something i've suspected for a while now and seeing it confirmed is very. it's interesting, i guess. it's good to hear all of my anxieties and paranoias put into words. heavily stigmatized and misrepresented words, but words regardless. while i'm somewhat glad to have it said outright, i wish i wasn't like this. my google searches: "does ocd ever go away", "can you cure ocd", "how to stop having compulsions", "plane crash recently", "cruise accident may 2025", "accuweather", "weather right now", "how to track location without phone", say everything and honestly do paint a picture of what my mind is like.
i've been playing a lot of regretevator lately. it's been keeping me occupied enough to stop me from thinking about all these horrible things and i've met a lot of people because of it, too. i started a daily streak and it's been keeping me motivated to stay alive. 53 day streak, 53 days without relapsing. every time i get anxious, i open the wiki and just scroll. i've read every page probably a dozen times now, but it's helping. it helped me forget about a tornado watch until i heard the severe storm sirens. the characters, too, have really really made things easier for me, NULL in particular. staying alive just a bit longer to see him along with cobs has been a good motivator.
i'm anxious and paranoid a lot but i'm alive. i haven't relapsed recently, i've been eating more, i've been talking to people, i'm okay. i'm alive. that's all i need to be right now