i can't escape social media
no cws applicable
i consider myself something of a niche nekoweb "celebrity".
FAN.NEKOWEB.ORG is 28th most-followed site (67 followers), and i just recently hit 20k views. nothing to sniff at, right? pretty big numbers for the indie web..
but i wish i didn't care about them.
i came to the indie web to distance myself from social media, to have a place that's truly my own, but that mindset just hasn't left me. i hate that i'm so focused on the numbers, always comparing myself to more popular, "better" websites. i used to be in top 20 most follows, but i dropped down, and it's been sticking in my head. i thought i was popular.. but i can't even be sure about that. other users' websites within that bracket are always being praised and talked about, but never mine. am i doing something wrong? am i just not interesting enough, not cool enough? why can't i be like them? what should i be doing differently so that people like me?
i guess having my stats listed on my website is partially to blame. being able to see those exact numbers isn't helping me at all in this situation, and i'm well aware of that. but taking off those numbers won't change how i go under the 'Explore' tab and religiously check the most-viewed and most-followed users every single day, multiple times a day.
i just feel. i don't know. i just want to be wanted